Dear George 'the germaphobe' Bush

Wow, George. Just... WOW. Just when I thought we'd seen the last of your idiotic trademark social faux pas', you give all of the racist germaphobes something to cheer for. Now that you've finally gotten the f*ck out of the Oval Office ended your tenure as President, I suppose it was a good look to do a bit of political maneuvering under the guise of goodwill and charity. No harm in that, whatsoever. You accompanied everyone's other favorite black President, Bill Clinton, to Haiti for some photo ops and to make sure you weren't the only politician (yes, you are and will always be a politician) who didn't show your face in the earthquake-rattled country. That said, it was a valiant effort, until the little bigoted devil on your shoulder reared its ugly head. Part of being a politician is shaking hands. In fact, I'd say most politicians have shaken more hands than they've read books or written speeches. So the practice naturally would be extended, no matter what country you're in. George, in the act of shaking hands, there are a few things you shouldn't do:

1) Cough or sneeze before you extend your hand.
2) Refuse to shake a hand.
3) Make any remark or action in disgust or aberration of the handshake.

That's a pretty simple list, George. As a matter of fact, you should probably know these already, considering that you were the President. I mean, for God's sake, how do you ascend to that office without knowing handshake etiquette? That seems like a given. And in all honesty, doing it in Haiti was just a bad move. If it isn't some wacko reverend claiming that they're evil, it's rampant poverty or an earthquake plaguing the people of Haiti. The least you can do is shake their hands without looking like you just ingested a bile and dirt sandwich. They've been through a hell of a lot more than you, and probably should be the ones wiping their hands. They sure as hell don't have as much blood on their hands as you do, Georgie boy...