Sunday, January 10, 2010

Dear Marshawn Lynch

I'm guessing you're used to having your way with white women. That works in college, not real life...

via The Buffalo News:
Buffalo Bills running back Marshawn Lynch took $20 from a Southtowns woman at a Hamburg restaurant last month, according to information received by The Buffalo News.

The woman's husband, Buffalo Police Sgt. William Crawford, filed a complaint with Hamburg police a day after the incident, but they delayed giving a statement to detectives until Wednesday, in part because she wanted to wait until the Bills' football season ended and Lynch was out of town...

"He takes the $20 out of her hand, and my wife says "What are you doing?' and Lynch says "Don't worry.' When my wife's girlfriend came back to the table, she told her about it. The girlfriend approached Lynch and said, "Give my friend her money back,' and Lynch threatened her saying "Do you know who I am? There's going to be consequences.'

First of all, let me give a big #shoutout to all of the broke-ass rich athletes out there. Whether it's Latrell Sprewell turning down a $10 million contract because there wasn't enough money to 'feed his kids', or Gilbert Arenas airing out his fiscal troubles on Twitter, or Antoine Walker filing for bankruptcy last year, this article is dedicated to you:

Marshawn, I've always liked your style on the field: tough, gritty and north-south. That said, should that kind of behavior still be accepted off the field? Marshawn, you do realize that taking money directly out of someone's hand is considered stealing?? I wonder if you do, because the way you snatched that $20 out of the lady's hand makes it seem like you're going under a whole different set of laws out here. The reasoning you gave was AWESOME. I mean, if you're going to be a big, tough football player, you might as well give a really stupid answer for why you're stealing money. And after that, telling your team that the lady was a 'friend' was PRICELESS. If I'm going to be an athlete, then I definitely want to be able to wield that kind of power off the field, where people automatically just listen, because I'm an athlete. Not that I'd be a regular citizen too, just with a huge bankroll, but you played that perfectly. I also wanted to ask you what that $20 was for. I suppose when you sign a $10 million dollar contract, everyone's money is your money. Whatever the case, I hope you spent it wisely. Teams are cutting the black sheep faster than your 40-time. Ahh, to live the life of a broke-ass rich athlete...